Feelings are like passing clouds
Last post I mentioned that I faced some challenges while I was in the process of revising my book, and a couple of them had to do with my brain!
As I was working on the last comments and making a few changes, I also prepared a list of agents to send my manuscript to. I told myself, it was vital to first have an overview, which makes sense. Scanning through the names of the agents, I notice a slight feeling of discomfort, but put it aside.
I kept working on my manuscript, and started preparing a template letter and a synopsis, as this is required by all agents, in some form or the other. The drafting of the letter and synopsis kept my mind in focus and the feeling of discomfort receded a little.
The work on the manuscript, as I mentioned in my previous post, was going very slow, but eventually I cleaned up the first 50 pages. These are the most relevant for queries, as agents ask to see the first three chapters, the first 10.000 words, the first 50 pages, or something in between.
I was then ready to send. But I did not. My brain told me that I needed to get feedback on my synopsis, so I asked my creative teacher. In the meantime, I became aware that my feeling of discomfort slowly turned into something else. More days passed, and after receiving a comment on my synopsis, I was really ready to send my queries. But I did not. I told myself that I absolutely needed to have the opinion of a good friend, who does not read the kind of books I write, but for sure he is very objective and his insight helpful. By then my whole being was swamped with what I can only call fear: fear of putting my work out into the world.
I was, and still am, 100% committed to publish my book, thus this fear is completely pointless. But my brain still thought that I needed protection and wanted to convince me that I better to keep hiding away, just in case I would fail.
But giving up on my book would only mean failing ahead of time, without even having tried. I might fail, but not for lack of trying.
Thus I told my brain to shut up and sent my first few queries. After all, fear is just a vibration in my body and it will pass, just like clouds in the sky.
So, decide whether you have more to gain from trying or from hiding, and then go after whatever you want. Don’t let your brain hold on to the feeling keeps you from writing or publish your book. Let whatever emotion you have pass, and move on towards your goal.