Where are you?

I forgot to look you in the eyes when you were talking to me because I was busy with my child who right that moment had to show me a toy.

I forgot to thank you for taking care of her that afternoon, because my mind was already busy thinking about cooking dinner.

I forgot to bring you the magazine you asked me for, because the traffic was a nightmare and stopping at the newsstand was above my energy level.

I put a label “not important, not urgent’ on almost each of your requests, feeling annoyed when a doctor visit or the purchase of medicine obliged me to prioritise your needs over mine.

I put you in a corner all those years, when I was a teenager, because I knew better; when I was older because I was busy with growing up; when I was settled, because life was demanding from all sides.

I put you on hold, without any thoughts, certain that you will always be there, because you have always been there, and it is not possible to imagine a future without you.

My eyes blind, my ears deaf while I refused to acknowledge you were slipping away.

Now, I cannot put you in a corner anymore, even if I had any wish to. I had to change the label of any of your needs. I look at you in the eyes and thank you for all help in my life, but you don’t know who I am. The magazine I now remember to bring you every week remains closed on the coffee table. You sit in your chair, your body still strong and healthy that sometimes I wonder why you don’t get up to help me.

Then I see your light tremor and my heart aches for you left me without allowing me to say goodbye. For all the words that now I say to you, none will reach your heart. You will just sit there and smile at the stranger who reminds you of someone in your past.

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