Standing still, like a tree, a rock, a mother holding her breath during the ultrasound inspecting the health of her unborn baby, a woman looking at her partner’s face when saying she is pregnant, a girl picking up the tiny ring and waiting for the proposal to be expressed in words, so that she can shout her yes, a child restraining her tears when her mother tells her she cannot go ballet anymore because there is not enough money to pay for it. My mind backtracks the milestones of my life with the speed of a fire in a haystack, burning down most of the memories and leaving me with the few which shook my being to the core. I stand still and focus again on my breath but seconds later thoughts are hitting me again from all sides now, the scared future shouts to my past about its uselessness as my present wabbles inconsistencies which reflects the weakness of my body’s position, ready to give up at the slightest ache. Quitting for pain, quitting for fear, quitting for not knowing better. Quitting for money, or lack thereof. Not sure what was the worse reason for quitting. Did it matter, though?
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